For people with disabilities, siblings are important lifelong sources of support because they are generally in their lives longer than anyone else. It is also well-known that disability changes everything in a family. Many families can deal with the changes in their lives and still grow and help each other. They can get to know each other better, and family ties are essential for the growth of all children. But there can be stress, and if parents and kids aren't helped, they are more likely to become depressed and anxious, which can make it harder for the family to work together. Siblings often deal with worry at a time when they are not emotionally or mentally mature enough to understand or handle it. The whole family needs help to deal with any problems that come up. They also have many of the same complicated feelings, wants, and worries as their parents, and they must deal with all the changes and challenges that come with being a teenager. The article will discuss how to navigate support for siblings of individuals with disabilities.
How to support siblings of individuals with disabilities
When one child with disabilities needs attention, limits family activities, or causes a lot of worry, the other children may react differently. Here are ways to support siblings of individuals with disabilities.
1. Be honest about what's going on
Parents need to ensure that kids understand what's going on and can ask questions if they have any. Most of the time, siblings don't fully understand what's happening with the special child. They might feel bad about it and think they caused it somehow. They might also think they are less important than their siblings because they don't get as much care. Parents must ensure their kids know they love them and listen to any worries they may have.
Parents don't need to use fancy words like OCD, ADHD, or autism. But they need to explain the behaviour kids might find scary and clarify that it's not their choice. It's often helpful to talk about your skills and weaknesses. One brother may have trouble controlling his emotions, so he may get upset or angry quickly when things don't go his way. One person may not be very good at hoops, though. So your brother might give you a few extra shots in basketball, and he might need some extra time off because he has difficulty staying calm when you play board games.
2. Make time for younger ones
Preschoolers often think everything is about them and what they want. They might not understand why a sister might need more time with you. You should plan to spend time with your child alone. Little ones need time with mommy or daddy. Playing ball or letting them "help" you in the kitchen during meals are quick ways to give them that time.
3. Explain in details
At this age, kids have to tell their friends about their brother with a disability. Some friends might ask rude questions or even be mean to your child by calling them names, making them feel bad, angry, or ashamed. Teach your kid some things to say. Someone might ask, "What's wrong with your sister?" , and your child can just say, "She has cerebral palsy." Or, if a classmate calls your child with a condition a mean name, tell your other children that they shouldn't get angry, no matter how hard it is. Help them explain: "It's not okay to say mean things about my sister just because she has a harder time learning new things than you or me."
4. Try to be fair and just
Parents may try to be fair and spend the same amount of time with each child, but it's hard to keep the balance when one of the kids is having developmental issues or has serious medical needs. Anger or even jealousy can grow. Kids may think their parents care for their brothers more and pay less attention to them. When kids have these thoughts, they often feel bad about having them, making them even more angry and upset.
As a parent, try to understand and wait for your child to tell you how they feel. Your child will feel loved and included if you talk things over with him, listen to him, and treat him respectfully. If possible and appropriate, ask your child to help you care for the sibling, but don't force the problem. Remember that sibling rivalry and jealousy are normal parts of any family bond. Help your kid learn to be patient and in charge as he grows. He is likely to learn to think about other people before himself.
5. Accept other siblings also have complex emotions
Writing about the many feelings that come up when you have a child with a disability is the subject of many blog posts and book chapters. Also, siblings have many difficult feelings that they might not want to discuss with a parent or teacher. Ensure they know that all of their feelings are normal and that talking to you about them is okay. If they tell you about their worries, listen to them and try to reassure them when possible.
6. Set big goals and help people reach them
Both kids with and without disabilities should have high standards set by their families and teachers. Parents can help siblings at home by teaching disabled kids to be independent. For example, these kids should learn to do chores and take on the same tasks as their siblings as much as possible. This way of thinking can be used in the classroom by teachers assuming that all of their students are smart and teaching life skills when they happen naturally. Having the same standards for kids with and without disabilities will not only help them become more independent, but it can also help siblings who get angry when there are "two different sets of rules" for them and their siblings.
You should have high hopes for all of your children. Remember that siblings may respond to a disabled sibling by setting too high standards. Watch out for peers putting too much social and academic pressure on themselves. Talk to them about their goals and tell them they don't have to be perfect at everything to have your full support.
7. Expect to deal with sibling fights
When one of your siblings has a disability, it might be hard to watch them tease, insult, and fight with each other. You might want to stop the fight and tell the brother who can't make peace. But most fights between siblings are just a normal—and even good—part of growing up and learning to get along with others. A child with Down syndrome who grows up with siblings with whom he sometimes fights will likely be better prepared to face life in the community as an adult than a child with Down syndrome who grows up as an only child. So let brothers work it out when there is a fight. Brothers and sisters of disabled children shouldn't always have to hide their emotions. Like all other kids, they should be able to get mad, act out, and fight with their siblings sometimes.
Read more: The Role of Occupational Therapy in SIL
8. Make the environment safe
Some families have a child who has very bad behaviour problems and lives with brothers and sisters. This could make some siblings feel scared and stressed, and others might try to take on tasks for their siblings that are too big for their age. Always put the safety of children first, whether they have a disability or not. Ensure no child is in a position where they could be hurt. While helping and educating a sibling is very important, the safety of that child should always come first.
9. Give your child chances to meet other kids
Parents can find other families with disabled children in a lot of places, from online message boards to neighbourhood support groups. Brothers and sisters need the same chances to discuss things they've "been there." Get brothers in touch with a support group. If there isn't one near you, you might want to start one. A good support group, whether in person or online, will help brothers feel like they're not the only ones who feel, experience, and worry about what they do. Plus, it's a fun way to meet new people, which is good for kids of all ages! Get more information on Sibling support in Australia.
10. Give people access to correct, age-appropriate knowledge
Giving parents and teachers accurate information about a child's disability is helpful for more than just them. Also, siblings need to know about their disabled sibling in a way that is appropriate for their age. Take the initiative to find reliable sources and teach your children what they need to know about disabilities. Include anything the sibling might find useful in knowing their family member's disability, such as treatments, health effects, terminology, social and behavioural issues, and anything else that might help them.
11. Make time for each child
Every kid needs time with their parents alone, but kids with a big brother or sister need it even more. It can be hard to find the time, but giving a child even small amounts daily can help them feel loved and important. Parents need to remember to pay attention to each child. It doesn't have to be fair, but it does need to make sense and be consistent. Reading, drawing, or putting together a puzzle for 10 minutes straight with each child before they sleep is recommended.
Conclusion
When you have a child with a disability, you go through a lot of emotions. There are ups and downs in every family bond. But in the end, these unique problems teach brothers important life lessons.
In the same way, brothers who don't have disabilities need help too. Getting in touch with other peers who are going through the same things can help you deal with problems like anxiety or anger. Support groups help them connect, tell each other secrets, and gain the confidence they need to be good role models for their brothers. The most important thing is that everyone in the family must be able to talk to each other freely. Every day, families with children who have special needs face a lot of problems, have to make a lot of plans and feel a lot of stress. Nothing is more useful than having the whole family agree on something.
Frequently Asked Questions
Why is it important to support siblings of individuals with disabilities?
It's crucial to recognise that siblings of individuals with disabilities often face unique challenges and emotions. Support helps them navigate these challenges, promotes well-being, and fosters a healthier family dynamic.
What are some common experiences siblings of individuals with disabilities may have?
Siblings may experience various emotions, including guilt, resentment, compassion, and worry. They might also feel overlooked or overshadowed by their sibling's needs or medical appointments.
How can parents and caregivers support siblings effectively?
Open communication is key. Providing siblings with opportunities to express their feelings in a safe and supportive environment is essential. Additionally, offering respite care and individual attention and involving them in their sibling's care can help foster a sense of inclusion and importance.
What are some ways to promote positive sibling relationships within families?
Encouraging shared activities focusing on each sibling's interests and strengths can help build strong bonds. Celebrating each sibling's achievements and milestones and fostering a sense of equality and mutual respect is important.
How can schools and communities support siblings of individuals with disabilities?
Schools can provide resources such as counselling services or peer support groups tailored to the needs of siblings. Communities can also organise events or programs that promote awareness and inclusivity, creating a supportive network for these siblings. Check out the support needs of siblings of siblings with disabilities.
What are some signs that a sibling may be struggling and need additional support?
Signs of distress can vary but may include changes in behaviour, academic performance, or social interactions. Withdrawal, mood swings, or expressing feelings of isolation or sadness may also indicate a need for additional support.
